Navigating Discomfort in Leadership
Fear is a universal experience. It’s a natural response to uncertainty, challenge, or risk—and it’s not a weakness. In fact, fear is often a signal: a heightened awareness that something important is at stake and that it’s time to act.
Leadership, at its core, is about growth. Whether you're developing a team, supporting an individual, or evolving yourself, growth will be a constant theme throughout your leadership journey. Many seasoned leaders will tell you: if you’re not uncomfortable, you’re not growing. Some even say that if it doesn’t feel a little scary, you’re not doing it right. While those sentiments may sound dramatic, they carry a kernel of truth.
Trying something new can be unsettling—especially when experience is limited. Difficult conversations, delivering tough feedback, or asking someone to embrace change can all trigger discomfort. And when we observe leaders we admire—those who seem composed and confident—we may assume they’re immune to fear. That assumption is misleading. Those leaders aren’t necessarily smarter or more capable; they’ve simply developed a skill you may still be refining: the ability to remain present and self-aware under pressure.
They feel the same emotions as anyone else—stress, frustration, discomfort—but they’ve learned how to move through them with intention.
The Power of Emotional Awareness
The ability to recognize your emotional responses in real time is a powerful tool. When you can recognize what you’re feeling and anticipate how you might react, you gain the ability to choose your response.
Consider a scenario: you need to speak with another leader about a challenge involving someone on their team. You anticipate defensiveness, resistance, maybe even conflict. You dislike confrontation and know you’re likely to shut down or retreat in such situations.
This is a pivotal moment. You could choose to avoid the conversation, remain frustrated, and hope the issue resolves itself. Or you could prepare, step into the discomfort, and be heard.
Preparation Is Crucial
When nerves take over, it’s easy to lose your train of thought or become physically affected. Set yourself up for success:
Schedule the meeting early in the day to avoid anxiety
Choose a location that feels comfortable or neutral-1st choice your office, if you have one
Bring clear notes to stay grounded if the conversation veers off course
Anticipate questions and rehearse your responses
Have water on hand to pause and reset if needed
Speak slowly and deliberately—don’t rush
Express appreciation for their time
Most importantly, communicate that your feedback comes from a place of care and commitment to the team’s success
Even with thoughtful preparation, not every conversation will go smoothly. If things go sideways, stay anchored. Reaffirm your message, your intent, and your desired outcome. Then leave the meeting knowing you showed up with integrity—even if it was hard.
Growth Isn’t Always Comfortable—But It’s Always Worth It
Whether the outcome is ideal or a train wreck, you’ve done something courageous. You’ve stepped into discomfort, stuck to your values, and grown as a leader. Congrats!
